underwater filmica

Since the Presidential Elections, I’ve been in hiding.

It feels as though I’ll be shot in the back or on my knees me watching the gun against my head go off and that’s all I have ever written, baby girl.

To overcompensate (because I share biomarking familial lineage of OCD), my step counting is near perfection. Steps are great for training because I love to count by 2’s on stairs and bleachers, solving for 3x.

At home, when I’m home, I have images everywhere. My art. All of it. I match my energy with flash thrillers faded b/w noir or noir green (e.g., Matrix) or di rigeur blues and blacks (e.g., FX) on screens I have (e.g., TV, iPad, iPhone, tablet). I have multiple accounts for televideo social media and have networked myself to a stand-alone server to handle my down and uploading.

My current Top 3 Distractions which I recommend to others experiencing depression and/or despair post Hitler(2)’s election for the next four (4) years are as follows and not necessarily in this order:



I started a script yesterday and it’s coming on quickly. The formatting delays thought and writing. The Othership and in full disclosure creatively. I’m playing with a new format for me which is a return to film and video to enhance my tinkering around with photographic elements of color and form.

Here’s a favorite color study that is a photo print:


It’s called Abstract Mistake (Georgia and Maryland 2015-2016).

The script… my Story is grooming itself into being a day play settled in black and white if not sepias of browns, yellows, greens, with color only heightened through sound werk. It’s a pretty story and a love story and to make for this love story the ending is a happy one.

The Right to Die With Dignity

jen padron

The Right to Die With Dignity

Jennifer Maria Padron, M.Ed, CPS, PhDc Public Health & Amanda Barnabe

We are US Peers and we are Peers in everything that Peerness implies from State (Georgia, Maryland, Texas) certification. Acting in a healer saint wrap around service advocate activist give back to the community type of social supportive role, Peer supports and professional adherence accounting for personal-responsibility rings true. As well, we hold fast (in sum) to all federal Certified Peer Specialist SAMSHA related principles and codes.

We work pro bono or on average for >$12/hr as a Certified Peer Specialist in both public and private behavioral health systems of care for US Mental Health (MH), Substance Use (SUD) and now are in support of any individual experiencing criminal justice intersected challenges and where behind locked doors robbed of hope, we have insured that the Forensic Peer Recovery Specialist Endorsement and Certification is your…

View original post 2,307 more words

New Balance and US Neo Nazism

I don’t get the attachment – no – the attraction between American White Supremists and the New Balance shoe and I wonder at that because I like knowing the answer to most things.

Not that it matters.

I’ve never in fact owned a pair of New Balance sporting shoes or any kind of New Balance.

Growing up it was Adidas, Converse, Nike. Nowadays it’s still Adidas, Clarks, Nike, Vans and boots. A lot of boots. Black leather. Desert.

I’m seeing swastikas, white hate/survivalist/neo-nazi/white supremist/KKK rural slogans and urban graffiti that’s terribly antiBlack, anti Immigrant, antiQueer and misogynistic in Atlanta and Decatur, Georgia. This is unusual to me when I know first-hand the majority of Atlanta’s talented street artists are young, urban, millenial black men who are fearless and often carry skateboards in their other arm…but not all are.

It is a harbinger that the sleazy slick, dirty veneer to America’s Nazi, Neo-Nazi, KKK Party or white nationals are showing their faces in the light of day days after the national presidential elections.

It is also alarming to me when I am warned to dissuade me from attending or to not pay attention to the “TRUMP IS NOT MY PRESIDENT” or Black Lives Matter gatherings because it’s considered “disrespectful of the Presidency” or the President Elect.

I’ve stopped making lists mentally about my community’s taking horrible under the belt punches and blows to my right, left and teeth buckling during elections, and now to see revoltingly blatant examples of Government representation?

Blah, blah, blah.

 I’ve stopped thinking about the very intimate effect from The Election’s losses to and in my life’s meanings now and that my broken heart and general grief witnesses the nation and country that I currently reside in, fall head-first into what are terrible beginnings of apocalyptic storms ahead of us.

Months ago I envisioned our standing at the crossroads of hope or a post-apocalyptic future, dry, dusty, hot, dirty, everything ruined and gone. Ghosts. Civilization murky.

I have been pulled chained and dragging, but not bloodied, bruised, down the other terrible pathway but I go not freely.

I will not cooperate.

Nor should you.

Remember that above all else, to thine own self be true.


Excerpt, “The Leaf and the Cloud” by Mary Oliver



The Leaf and the Cloud

I mention them now,

I will not mention them again.

It is not lack of love

nor lack of sorrow.

But the iron thing they carried, I will not carry.

I give them – one, two, three, four – the kiss of courtesy,

of sweet thanks,

of anger, of good luck in the deep earth.

May they sleep well. May they soften.

But I will not give them the kiss of complicity.

I will not give them the responsibility for my life.

I bury it in the earth.

I sweep the closets.

I leave the home.