it had to be you

I sit staring out of my study window
orange greens browns golds brown pine needles everywhere
no women to be seen
my lover of 4 years nearly 5
gone to follow fishwrap
that fishwrap, the cute little screamer
gone too
and the stoic spartan warrior woman
“I don’t know how to respond to you anymore” corporate junkie 80 hr week
slave to retirement
a daughter looking at NYU graduate studies
work you do. baby.
I think of the other one, the new one, a lot still.
golden aired surprise
I wonder
I wonder
I grit my teeth

 

 

 

georgia

Emily King – Georgia Lyrics
Artist: Emily King
Album: The Seven EP

I was not ready
The day you gave me your heart
I was still falling apart

But since that moment
I can’t stop hearing your name
Wondering about you always

Come back Georgia come back
Come back Georgia come back
I just need another chance
Chance to make it better

Chorus:
Come back Georgia come back
Come back Georgia come back
I just need another chance
Chance to make it better

I was unhappy
The day you left out my door
I was just feeling unsure
So long I’ve missed you
Now I can honestly say
I’m ready to love you always

Chorus: (x2)
Come back Georgia come back
Come back Georgia come back
I just need another chance
Chance to make it better

Oh to think that you would be
Resting in my arms
How I wish I knew
Georgia where you are?
I can’t be without you
Georgia oh

Chorus: (x2)
Come back Georgia come back
Come back Georgia come back
I just need another chance
Chance to make it better

mine own hands

She came on like gangbusters
starfire melding in me
disintegrated as fast
as suddenly
hands
mouth
a wincing smile
her clear clear clear
blue eyes
doubled no coupling
leaving a remarkable knowing
           she’s gone
i fell in love with that look
all over
all over
all over
empty this time
mine own hands left open
wet from fall rain

 

our days

over and over

JEN JEN  it’s nearly the witching hour. i am facetiming julie my bff and noting how this birthday all day and all morning and night now, getting later and later until it isn’t my birthday any longer, mary and leigh but especially mary was nowhere to be seen.

she texted me, yesterday, “we are no longer talking” and so i took it several ways but the finality of her telling me this in light of her new love interests to throw away a friendship with jen jen since 2013, all i can say is, wow, really

JULIE  so today was the first crisp day of fall. i revelled in the coolness and the slight breeze and the drizzle. the only thing that could have made it more perfect is if i had been  on the beach at home. my thoughts are like the turmoil of waves pounding on the shore. life is opening another door and alls i have to do is walk through. those are huge steps for me but i have the guidance, support and encouragement from my bff, jen.

JEN JEN i got my johnny walker red here baby. cheers.

JULIE oh you’ve got your red label, yummy…

JEN JEN yeah baby

JULIE so yeah if i drank i’d be drinking with you

JEN JEN i know baby

JULIE Okay… i was thinking again today about getting a puppy. i’m excited so excited. that’s like the cherry on top of the cake man, ha. did you have pets while you were growing up?

JEN JEN yeah. collies. my mom showed them with the Hawaii Collie Association and i’ve that framed thing in the hallway with her ribbons on it. she really dug it. i didn’t like going because it was boring and stunk like dog hair everywhere. it was just uncomfortable. mom was a bitch and uptight and it was weird. strange. like the circus kind of. yeah. vietnam and drugs and the world crazy in the middle of jasmine.

JULIE oh wow…

JENJEN i have 8 minutes left before my birthday is over

JULIE oh god what do you what to do? fire in the hole fire in the hole

JEN JEN  ok i wish for her to be here with e. i wish we could be free and just be. no other conflicts. remember. remember. i just don’t believe it’s over. and done. i really thought she’d be here for the long haul. and so now i’m in atlanta with no reason to be here in atlanta and it’s the south and its’ hot and well, there you have it.

dear x 4.0

the woman I was falling in love with left yesterday.

0 – 5.

i contracted with jax this afternoon for 24 hours.

forlorn, hapless, empty handed, concealing i don’t know why, it’s just a mental, sentimental alibi but i adored her strong, why go on stalling, i am falling, why be shy?

can’t we close our eyes, little we know of it, to make a go of it

we might have it in for each other

to be or not to be

get closer

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