Obituary

Entrepreneurs from The Yale Collaborative on Social Entrepreneurship encourage me to craft my Obituary.

Know yourself.

Bely the everyday.

How far have you come?

Memorialize where you come from hence.

yosemite

I will leave you then, a discernable gift.

Death hearkens only the dying in glory and quietness shocks only the person whose breath is taken in deep.

Remember me.

Your morphine and your needles hanging from my forearm kills me not.

Your guns kill me not.

I have known the thrill of Her at least. My arm and my body shake from the electricity coursing through me touching live wire.

She is incomparable and I die for her. Walking the desert step by step, heat dizzying, relentless.

Till the last breath. On bended knee.

Oh yea, mine eyes have seen the glory.

Yes, yes, she said.

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shadow dance

jen kitchen

Shadow Dance | The Internet
Won’t you shadow dance for me?
Play it off and tell me how it feels
Won’t you shadow dance for me?
Play it off and tell me how it feels
Let’s try something different, brand new
Oh that, right there, don’t move
I wish I could tip you for all of your time
Yeah, yeah
Girl when you
Teasing me, pleasing me, guaranteed
You know that I love it when you (I love the way)
Dance for me, flashing me, all for free
That’s the way I like it baby
It’s what you do
Me and you should rendezvous
Somewhere we can meet in private
Your debut, time to shoot
Now’s your cue, so
Won’t you shadow dance for me?
Play it off and tell me how it feels
(For me)
If I could freeze the hands of time
I would stay right here with you
Right by my side, that’d be nice
The night is young, your taste is sweet
Lay with me until we find
Just what we need, what we need
Tell me that you love me, babe
Tell me that you love me, girl
Tell me if you love me, baby
Do you really love me, baby?
Do you really love it, girl?
Songwriters: Alia Rose Brockert / Christopher Allan Smith / Matthew Martin / Patrick Paige / Sydney Bennett / Tay Walker
Shadow Dance lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

fatality

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Today, this morning actually (Sunday) was 2 weeks since I happened upon what was later called a fatality and total loss.

I remember and I think about the young man in the car and wish and hope his loved ones were gently given privy to his loss that terrible rainy day on a 4 lane highway with no divider.

It bothers me. His dying that way bothers me. I know it isn’t up to me how anyone dies. We walk our own journeys and it is our own. Mine is mine. Yours is yours. His was his. Still, that death holds no glory and I wonder if all deaths, or only a few, should be glorious and brilliant.

I was waved down by a lone man standing stopping cars from passing because a car accident was ahead >500 meters down the 4 lane highway. I pulled over. I got out. I double timed it when seeing only individuals running to the black sports car, down, not on fire. An RN got to the driver first. Army Convoy trucks were stopping. 2 Army Medics sprinted to the down driver and car.

The driver was pinned inside the car and when a MD ran to the scene, several of us left the man.

He was cared for. He was loved.

I got into my car and tenuously drove away. Down the hill some 15:00 later ambulance and Volunteer Fire Department trucks made their way up around the curves, in the pouring rain, in the cold, in the flooding highways both directions.

I drove on to Peerpocalypse ’18 and later heard the accident was a fatality. I stopped and grabbed myself and sat down when I was told.

The thought of his death colored my lonelier moments at night knowing full force that life is fleeting and we must love and work as if on fire because this all ends quickly and not without a single notice.

Peace.

size matters

I’m painting a 4 x 8′ commissioned acrylic on wood for an East Point business owner of the hottest new salon and spa this side of the West Side Green Belt. I’m not satisfied with it. In fact, I’m not sure if I even like the current large work. Here’s (2 panels beneath the “Northampton Barn” (2015) and “Bug” (2013):

 

 

 

barnabe 4 (2)

 

 

All original art work (c) Jen Padron (2018); All Rights Reserved Jen Padron.

calm down

When my mother was dying from cancer in 2008, my dad told me that there were 22 others living on Trailwood Avenue who were positive for some type of cancer concurrently. “There’s a lawsuit,” I told my dad. We were driving and it was warm outside and the air smells like Central California does in the Fall. Fog, basically.  There is no mystery that most probably embedded land subdivisions were watered by wells driven by the local growers and irrigation seepage will occur. Their water is screwed, no less. Now more than ever with the heat that will not stop and wells are drying. People are stealing their neighbor’s water in California.

My mother died in ’08 and my only sibling died from cancer at 53 years old in ’12 (also in November).

And so at my age, I have superseded the mortality for both, my biofamily and that of the <25 year early morbidity for people living with an SPMI who have received continuous US Community Public Mental Health services for at least 25 -30 years.

Which is worse? Cancer or the US Public Community Mental Health System? I’m laughing because I’m really not joking.

This writing’s intent is to at least touch upon the notion of how disease, chronic illnesses and malhealth – when not self-managed or self-cared for – will manifest physically and you will die sooner than later, probably.

Things to practice then:

  • Mindfulness.
  • Intentionality.
  • Carefully discerning that which takes your concern(s).
  • Be Kind to yourself and to others.
  • Love.
  • Be loved.
  • Adore.
  • Be adored.
  • Get that energy of others that is hurtful away from you.
  • Work your body out.
  • Practice Releasing.
  • Live gentler.
  • Walk with all of your senses as often as you can.
  • Get REM Sleep.
  • It’s okay to let yourself dream.
  • Walk in water.
  • Talk with your best friend.
  • Live.
  • Breathe.
  • Learn.
  • Teach.
  • The day is short. The night is shorter. Mind your time.
  • Harm no others.
  • Protect yourself and what’s yours.
  • Run. Run. Run.
  • Strength.
  • Power.
  • Know that you are immortal.